Windows Live Messenger: 2011

Well! We're finally back. Yeah, it's been a while since the last post (21st century PC yap!)

I felt the need to post about the new Windows Live Messenger.

The new version of the popular WLM client is out. Yeah, it's beautiful. It has a whole new look, it has multiple new features, and it's just over all: BRILLIANT.

Let me run you through a few of the new features.

1. You can no longer change your display name. This - if you ask me, is the best feature of them all! Completely remove the user's ability to change their display name! +1
I believe that Microsoft are in a rather... Exploratory phase. I think that the head of the WLM department wanted to find out what life would be like if everyone usied their first and last names as a display name. How exciting! :) To make a long story short, "[XGamerz] MarK - Playing: Call Of Duty 4" has been transformed into: "Mark Smith"

2. Take all the bloated crap that came as aditions in the last version, and throw them all into the client itself. This seems like a better solution to me. All of the unwanted stuff that the user doesn't want to see, has now been shoved infront of your face whether you like it or not. Take a look: (click the picture to see in full size)

It was a great idea doing this in my view!

3. Layout! This is superb! The layout is frankly beautiful. They've gone for the more "bloated" approach, and I really admire them for that. If it's good enough, people will wait, right? Well, now they will be waiting a good twenty minutes for the thing to load. +1 Microsoft.


Don't settle for this rubbish.

Use Windows Live Messenger 2009 or try something non-microsoft:

Pidgin
aMSN
eMeSeNe

21st century PC yap!

As life moves on, people become more and more intelligent. Intellect becomes much more vast and people become aware when they are doing something stupid or immature.

To re-assure myself, I considered an argument I'd overheard somewhere on the net.
This argument consisted of five people, all repeatedly calling each other "nabs." It carried on for a good healthy five minutes, before turning into. "noooooob." "YOU ARE JUST A STUPID NOOB LOL"

Now: For all people who don't know this. The word "noob" originated from "newbie."
Newbie is a word to describe someone who is new at a game/trade/job. However this word has now evolved into a global insult for anyone to use against anyone on the internet.

Noob is normally followed by "lol." Lol's direct definition is "laugh out loud." This means that the person who says it, is directly insinuating that they feel the need to express their laughter by broadcasting it to anyone nearby. Other laughing words consist of:

ROFL - Rolling on floor laughing | I highly expect that neither the sender not the recipient is actually acting out the abbreviation's definition.

LMAO - Laugh my ass off. | This one insinuates that the sender's anus has been brutally dislodged by the sheer hilarity of the situation. Again, hardly likely.

PMSL - Pissing my-self laughing | This one is generally putting forward the scenario of the sender loosening his/her bladder, thus allowing the liquid within to flow into his/her's underwear.

ROFLMAO - Roll on floor laughing my ass off | Generally submitting the idea of the sender rolling on the floor in stiches, whilst violently having his/her anal region removed by the laughter surrounding the situation as a whole.

The 21st century is such a delight.

5 Reasons to start a blog

Need some motivation in your life? Well here's 5 reasons to start a blog!

1. Boast. - People LOVE to boast on blogs. They boast about their life style, their possessions, their money, their luck etc... They post entry after entry about things they've bought, money they've made. What always makes me laugh, is that they think people care. They think their blog makes people jealous. But in fact, all it does it makes people realize how much of a douche-bag the blog owner is.

2. Babble on for years. - Because that is really what people want to read; pages and pages of boring, useless and meaningless crap. If you are going to write something, do the world a favor and have a point. If you insist on babbling on, at least make it interesting for the reader.

3. Moan. - Everyone loves a good old moan. A blog is the perfect place to moan at people who honestly couldn't give two drunken dwarfs about your problems. If you are going to moan, make sure you put a warning at the top of the page. This will decrease the reader suicide rate.

4. Use it 2 tlk like u r tlkin on a mob phne. - Make people's eyes glaze over with boredom trying to work out what the hell you're trying say. Mke sure u dnt mke it ezy. dnt giv the rdr a rson 2 stay.

5. Review products. - Preferably products no one has heard about and no one gives two turds about. Obscure Chinese works well:

Hello, today I'm going to review the: Fujujhakamoto MP3 player.

Enjoy your spark of motivation. :)

Xfactor today, mouthing contest tomorrow.

It makes me proud to be British. First of all you get the good weather. Lovely sunshine all year round. Next you have the pollution, the overcrowded aspect and the fact that everyone is going around stabbing each other. Then you have a show like Xfactor which truly demonstrates what Britain is all about. Get fat, "dance around singing all day" like an ADHD kid on crack, then go on Xfactor and spread your arrogant gob diarrhea all over the judges and the audience.

OH. Before you do that, you need to work out a name for your singing group/band.

What I find creative, is to take your name and glue it on the front of your friend's name. It shows how much brain power you have inherited and how much ingenuity you've established since you were a blob of flesh in your mother's womb.

When you've got all that sorted, and you've worked out a song that you haven't worked out because you don't know the words, you are all set to have the cockiness ripped out of you by Simon Cowell.

Walk on stage, mouth off like a little cow, get laughed at by everyone, insult the judges, sing like a donkey with a hot cast iron pole shoved up its rectum, and then as a nice finishing touch, punch your childhood friend in the face.

Well, it made me laugh anyway!!

Artists have had enough

For some strange reason, artists seem to be rather upset that people are downloading their music for free. Hence the reason that more and more free and legal music services are popping up all over the place, like a hemorrhoid infestation.

Spotify is a well known one. But they shove annoying, repetitive adverts in between every other song making it impossible to listen to your music library without going insane.

Deezer is also pretty good. Their site is massively bloated, it takes about 5 minutes to load, and then it lags like hell. Most people set out to listen to Lady Gaga, but end up creating a 20 CM hole in their monitor out of pure frustration.

Jiwa started off good, until it was made apparent that their license only covered France. Anyone outside of France, was greeted with a friendly "get lost" page.

And they wonder why people still download? Ah well.

Metal head? Rock fan?

Are you a metal head? Are you a fan of a good Rock song? Well thumbs up to the people who have turned these otherwise crappy songs, into audible, adequate, songs!

Had enough of people with very little talent getting paid billions by corporate hypes to sit in front of a microphone and sprout crap? Well support these artists!

Bad Romance, also known as bad song. Check out this rocky/metal cover. This version is done by the emo group: 30 seconds to mars

Poke Her Face? I wish someone would. Check out this metal cover! Check out this rock cover! (not brilliant quality)

Support the artists who make better versions than the originals!

Apple products are good, because they are Apple products.

Why do people like Apple products? Well, the answer is in the question. People like them so much because they are Apple products. Somewhere, at some point, someone decided that the definition of "good" was "Apple product." It seems to have stuck. What's the result?

A bunch of no-brainer numb-nutted prats piling into their local Apple shops demanding iPhones. - - - Why?

- Because they are iPhones!

- What makes them so special?

- ..... ...... Them being iPhones!

It seems like people are completely oblivious to the fact that there are thousands of other phones which do exactly the same - if not a better - job than the iPhone, but don't get any of the credit because they haven't got the "must have" frame of mind hindrance hanging onto them like a turd refusing to drop into the toilet bowl.

Then, the iPad makes it's grand entrance in the world of must-have. For the 2 people who don't know what the iPad is, it's literally an over-sized iPod Touch costing 800 EUR. Now everyone must have one of them!

- Result: Millions of people buying pointless over-sized iPod Touches, with a laughable battery life and limitations you wouldn't have on a laptop costing the same amount.

And the i* reign continues.