1. Boast. - People LOVE to boast on blogs. They boast about their life style, their possessions, their money, their luck etc... They post entry after entry about things they've bought, money they've made. What always makes me laugh, is that they think people care. They think their blog makes people jealous. But in fact, all it does it makes people realize how much of a douche-bag the blog owner is.
2. Babble on for years. - Because that is really what people want to read; pages and pages of boring, useless and meaningless crap. If you are going to write something, do the world a favor and have a point. If you insist on babbling on, at least make it interesting for the reader.
3. Moan. - Everyone loves a good old moan. A blog is the perfect place to moan at people who honestly couldn't give two drunken dwarfs about your problems. If you are going to moan, make sure you put a warning at the top of the page. This will decrease the reader suicide rate.
4. Use it 2 tlk like u r tlkin on a mob phne. - Make people's eyes glaze over with boredom trying to work out what the hell you're trying say. Mke sure u dnt mke it ezy. dnt giv the rdr a rson 2 stay.
5. Review products. - Preferably products no one has heard about and no one gives two turds about. Obscure Chinese works well:
Hello, today I'm going to review the: Fujujhakamoto MP3 player.
Enjoy your spark of motivation. :)
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